A Rich Decay

a retro on mold, death, and the quantum veil.

Tea Blend: tulsi, oat straw, and mullein (Supports luck, ease, protection, and good health).

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I would dive into this entire sag season wearing my whole ass sag rising on my sleeve like,"heeyyy! here's my blog. Like it or eat it." I feel more intense because it’s also the season before my sun sign.

I've just recently decided that it's ok for me to take up space. I did a little ritual retrospective of the year in preparation for the coming year and released some limiting notions I’ve been holding on to. The idea that I’m too much and not enough all at once. A miscalculation that allows me to remain hushed down by society and myself too easily.

I want the things I share with you to feel more poetic than anything else. I’ve sat and watched for too long. I’ve built up a muscle for clairvoyance that still surprises me. It’s the perfect timing for me to launch these retrospectives during this time of year in this mars retrograde and right before this week’s Gemini full moon. This time, when the veil between the quantum and real-world realities feels so thin.

My Dream: death is symbolic.

The other day, I dreamt that my best friend and I had a pretty epic fight. We were in a bodega that was oddly lit to fluorescence—each aisle like a maze of bizarre things. I was starved, and I think the initial argument started because we wanted to address our hunger differently. There was a deli in the shop, and her husband kept trying to interrupt our quarrel, having knowledge of the level of intensity we both have the capacity for.

Everything had mold. All the sandwich meat, the fixings, and the bread. Even the banana I ate—once pulled back from its skin revealed a gradience of the dark blue and black fuzz that consumed it. Tainted with rot. My friend and I exchanged the harshest words, and I remember noticing a graveyard across the street from the glass windows of the bodega’s entrance.

When I woke, I was exhausted, as if I’d been crying. As if real until I remembered the lens that exists between dream worlds and reality and how thin it feels right now. Ultimately, I feel like it’s always a bit thin in my world, and this is likely something I’ll unpack in a future piece.

Later that day, I called my friend to check in and share the dream. It’d been a couple of weeks since our last call, because I recently relocated back to Brooklyn in the summer. Our communications mostly travel through meta frequencies and the virtual world. But of course, our love remains constant. On the call, she told me they’d just received the unfortunate news that her husband had lost a close family member the night before. We pondered over the symbols—the mold, tombstones, the cashier counter of the bodega. It felt like an omen that we both needed to consider.

A representation of mold.

The first thing that stuck out to me about the dream was the occurrence of mold. I initially interpreted it as a symbolic reference to decay, neglect, and being consumed by negative energy or a force—something once useful now that has now become a detriment. I very much think this is a part of the message Spirit wanted me to receive, but as I started to dive into this a bit more, I found that just as mold can signify decay and death, it also signals transformation and new growth.

Similar to how the death card, in tarot represents death as more than an ending, the symbolic representation of mold can signify the end of a phase and transition into new life—a new way of being. Transformation.

Death

I’m slowly reading Matter & Desire, an Erotic Ecology by Andreas Weber. Let me preface that I found out about the book on Instagram from another herbalist and spirit-intuitive being. I barely know them, but I’m drawn to and have a deep respect for them because of the messages I receive from the content they share.

The book does a nice job of examining the live-giving experience of the material and natural world; and love as a biological principle.

There is a section on death in the book where several questions are proposed (pg. 50).

• How much opposition can a life-form tolerate within itself?

• How much opposition is necessary for the process of life to progress at all?

• How crucial is this opposition, or paradox, to our understanding of life overall?

The opposition, or factors that lead to death are constant for every life form. It’s a necessary part of our existence that contributes to the cycle of life and evolution.

Change is the one unavoidable, irresistible, ongoing reality of the universe. - Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower

In my dream, the rotten food represented something no longer okay to consume but also the need to be aware of or open to receiving what now may be. I see my dream as a deeply poetic reference to new life, like the beauty of springtime that emerges after the stillness and death of winter’s cold. I see the argument with my friend as a little reminder to remain open to new perspectives or ways of being while still honoring my truths.

The dream signaled a reminder of what I had left behind—the loss of a familiar elder, unhealthy family codependencies, unnecessary emotional boundaries I’d developed from past relationships, sacral and mother-womb challenges, and my scarcity mindset. The message was:

 “Now that you have done work to release or lay to rest what is now dead, are you ready to bring in new life… for a new phase ahead… for transmutation to occur?

Transformation

In their book, Weber talks about transformation as translation and how “When we consider the world from the perspective of metamorphosis… suddenly we can discover how much connectedness there is.” How the earth converts the moon and sun's energy… How green leaves translate the sun's energy… How our moods shift in darker and lighter periods. How our bodies are in constant contact with the rest of the world.

Energy and spirit keep us in contact with the physical and quantum world because we are all made up of matter. Everything is matter. Therefore, we’re living and functioning in an ecosystem that is much more connected than we’re often willing to admit. As I change, so do the things around me. And in knowing that, I must consider how my transformation may be an extension of a larger transformation on the horizon for us all.

Timing-wise, this understanding is useful now as we begin to feel messages from beyond (whatever that means to you). For instance, if you’re receiving what feels like messages or nudges from spirit, other people’s energy, or your mind or body: Listen in. Consider how making adjustments to change may be needed to find harmony or even to disrupt old cycles. To me, that’s an important thing to consider as we approach the new year.

Thanks for joining in welcoming new.

For me, launching this blog during this airy Gemini full moon——a moon that I’ve read some refer to as the moon of new ideas——is a nice foreshadowing of the creative opportunities ahead. My posts won’t always align with a cosmic event or have some symbolic reminder. I’ll be sharing a mix of my poetry, fiction, reflections, and, most definitely, stories of my experiences.

I’m so excited to open up with you all this way, and I hope you find bits or fragments of the messages that resonate with you somehow. Thank you <3

-Tash